Bittersweet Goodbye

I am not sure where to put this next entry. It centers around Cole and Claudia, but it is because of Curtis that I am writing this. Do I post it on Curtis' blog or my family blog? I think I will post it on both...

Our doctor I had with Claudia and Cole's pregnancies was a God send. We found her through our connections at Missing GRACE. Even though she was over an hour and a half drive away, the second we met her we knew she would be the one to get us through and bring our children, alive and screaming, into this world

Until her, I never had a doctor I truly liked before. I had plenty of doctors, but none I really liked or felt any type of connection too.  They were simply doctors, I was simply a patient. My doctor with Curtis left a lot to be desired before I lost him, much less after.

Our OB was amazing. She held our hands and got us through two very very hard pregnancies. I joked that I would have her move in with us if she would come! She did everything to get our babies here. She put up with all kinds of crazy from me. She let me have my anxiety, she never brushed me off, she never made me feel crazy (though, I know I was, but for good reason.). She got my babies out when I couldn't handle a single second of being pregnant anymore. And, I know she does this for all of her patients. Maybe not taking babies early, but treating them with the utmost respect. I have met some of her other patients. I know how much she cares.

This weekend, I got to give her a hug and cry with her and, once again, thank her for my babies' lives. My wonderful doctor is doing a fellowship to become a high risk OB. She is leaving to Ohio for 3 years to study her field further. She is excited and I know she is going to be amazing. I knew this was a dream of hers back when I had Claudia. (In fact, I was stressing out because I knew I wanted to have another baby and I was afraid she was going to be gone. Luckily, I had Cole before she left). I went to see her for a physical and know this is my last time seeing her a patient. Since it was a Saturday and she just had a few patients, we had a chance to talk for a little bit. It was so wonderful to see her, give her a hug, and thank her, over and over, for everything she did for our family. I wish I could explain how amazing she is. She cried when I said everything and she told me she felt like she had hit the lottery of life. Bringing babies into this world and helping women complete their families. She felt like she was the lucky one. I know the truth, her patients are the lucky ones. (Why else would 6 of them name their daughter's after her?)

Since the clinic is over 90 minutes away and I only ever went there for her, I know it will be my last time as a patient there. As I was walking out of the building, tears were streaming down my face. I was trying so hard not to start sobbing. There are so many memories in that building. Dozens of ultrasounds. Lots of scared tears. Lots of hope. Hearing my babies' heartbeats for the first time. Seeing them move on ultrasound machines. Worrying. Stressing. Praying. Hope. Hope and more hope. Most of 2007 and 2009 were spent driving up there to meet with her, to make plans. Craig and I sat in that waiting room more times than I can count.

As I walked out of that building, I left a very real, important,  part of my past there. I am done being pregnant. I am happily done being pregnant. But that building, the doctor mean so much to me...I have wonderful memories and am so grateful. Despite the roller coaster of what it took to get Claudia and Cole here, I would go through it all again to gaze at their little newborn faces again.

A heartfelt thank you to my doctor. I will remain in touch with her, I know I will. Seeing her for the last time as a patient is bittersweet. I am so thrilled she is going on to help high risk women and babies but I am sad she is leaving her current practice and is no longer my doctor.  What a blessing she will be to many more families in her future though. Without her, I am not sure Claudia would have made it, and without Claudia we wouldn't have been brave enough to try again. Because of her, Claudia and Cole are here. How do you ever thank someone for that?